Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Dear Chemo...

Oh goodness, I'm nervous just writing to you. I've heard so many things about you and admittedly many of them not so good. Of all the challenges on my journey thus far, I have for sure had the most fear about meeting you.

But,  a funny thing I have learned about fear. If you meet it and just sit with it (vs. denying), it can often reveal the most poignant moment of surrender. A moment where we realize that it is our defenses or reactionary nature to a situation, person or experience that are often times our greatest enemy. And where we have a choice to release any pre-conceived notions and choose to jump into the unknown with love, grace, and a whole lot of faith as our guide.

And so with that acknowledgement, I have chosen to see you as a friend. A powerful friend for sure. Our friendship will be a collaborative one whereby I see you as a protector, helping to clear my body of any harmful wandering cells and together we will cleanse my body and ultimately work to recover and heal wholeheartedly.

I know in many ways you will be my greatest teacher offering gifts over the course of these next 6 months - some of which I know will be quite difficult. But, I am up for the challenge and I welcome you to my healing team. I know you bring many friends along the way to help support the work you will be doing, and I welcome them as well. I choose to see myself as strong, tolerant, energized, beautiful, fit, lean,  inspired, creative and engaging with the situations and people I love in my life. And I will welcome the quiet moments of rest, introspection, and many other unforeseen opportunities to connect with my spirit on an entirely new level.

Thank you in advance for being there for me. I welcome you with ease, love and light.

We got this..

With gratitude ~ Paige

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Dream Teams

A couple of nights ago I had a dream.  While I pride myself on being a pretty vivid dreamer, this had a clarity to it and my recollection of it proved that a deeper message awaited me, and perhaps for us all. It went a little something like this. 

I was in room with one of my best friend's husband. All of a sudden several terrorists came in the room. They started injecting us with these drugs. I recall as the injection was going in of hearing about this cream that would make me immune. As I felt myself being susceptible to the drugs, all of a sudden my friend comes in and she has the cream. She quickly gathers her husband and myself and places the cream on us and tells us to "hurry, it's time to go." 
The next thing I know, we are in this little cafe. It was a cafe we used to go to all of the time in college. She was running around organizing, planning, and all over the place. Her husband was calmly just standing by with an assured smile on his face the entire time. I suddenly look over and see my dog Buck at the cafe. I was so confused but so glad to see him. He looked so precious all cuddled up.  Again my friend came up to me and told me that it was time to go. I looked at her confused and said, "but what about Buck, who is going to take care of him?" She smiled and confidently said, "I got it, come with me.  Our friend "Dave" is going to take care of him." I was confused yet again until I realized that in the midst of all this, my friend was trying to set me up - oy vey:-). Please note, this particular Dave was a friend of a friend whose name I knew via several college friends. Anyways, I went over to him and told him I was confused but if he just called my sister, she would get Buck. He said no problem, and then he starts sharing all of these stories from college and our friends and we are hysterically laughing. Next thing I know, my friend is pulling up in a car with her husband, opens the door and says, "we have to go back, but it is going to be ok, we got the cream."
And then I woke up. Luckily I had an appointment with my spiritual coach/therapist the next morning who so simply helped me interpret the powerful message. Coming from the perspective that everyone in your dream represents some aspect of yourself, it became clear that a blueprint was being created for me.
  • My friend represented the mental part of myself that is organized, prepared, strategic, and responsible. (Note: this particular friend is over one year out from her own breast cancer diagnosis and treatment and has literally been my angel, guiding me throughout this process and so grateful for her:-)
  • Her husband represented that spiritual grounding and presence I have within. Never saying a word, always there with confidence and assuredness that things are happening exactly as they should.
  • Buck represented that vulnerable side of myself, making sure all of my emotional needs are being met.
  • "Dave" represented the unforeseen gifts of mystery and joy that will arise the more I just let myself go.
  • And the cream, well it took me some time to realize, but the cream is my healing spirit. There to protect me and help me to evolve to a new place.

After understanding this interpretation, I knew that my journey was not quite over, but I have the ultimate dream team within myself (and of course through all my family and friends:-) to get through whatever lies ahead. 

And so, in the midst of my own journey, I can't help but be impacted by the events of Boston with great sadness and a heavy heart. But as I watch the bravery of the first responders and the outpouring of love and concern on Facebook via Boston friends, I trust this momentary darkness will quickly be overshadowed with an overwhelming light filled with love, faith, generosity and resilience that is the trademark of such an unbelievable city. 

Regardless of any individual perspective or situation, what I know for sure is that each of us is being invited to to live with our hearts wide open, to have a faith in something greater than ourselves (however you wish to define that), and to realize we simply can't do it alone. We all have a dream team - perhaps it just takes a dream to remind us.